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Nothing to fear but fear itself in post-career life

Milledge and Patti Hart write that retirees should guard against fear putting limits on their post-career lives.

If you are approaching – or already living – your post-career life, you likely have had to face the fact that this is a stage that can stretch for decades, all without the structure that a career or raising a family provided.

Now, probably for the first time, you are completely in charge of how you will spend your days. So, what would you do if you could do anything? What would you do if you didn’t have to worry about the outcome or be afraid of disappointing someone else or simply being embarrassed?

They say the only fears we are born with are the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises. Everything else is learned. Most of those learned fears are beneficial. If we hadn’t learned to be afraid of large hungry animals with big teeth or thin ice over deep water, the human race would not have survived.

But sometimes fear holds us back and prevents us from achieving the things that we not only want to do but need to do if we are going to grow and remain vital and relevant. This is especially true as we enter the years after we have left full-time work when we are still full of energy, and have the time and wisdom to focus on things that are personally meaningful.

There are two kinds of these “hindering” fears–the fear of missing out, and the fear of the unknown.

The fear of missing out is so prevalent that it has its own ubiquitous acronym – FOMO. It’s simply human nature to wonder if others are having more fun or doing something more important than we are. FOMO can be particularly insidious when you first leave your career.

Your calendar can look pretty empty when you stop full-time work. You wonder if anyone even remembers you. So, you accept invitations and jump at opportunities just because someone asked. But not every opportunity is the right opportunity. The challenge in this stage is to develop a set of guidelines that helps you sort through all the possibilities and find the ones where you can really make a difference. When a new activity or opportunity presents itself, ask yourself: Is this meaningful? Will my participation make a difference? Do I have the time to do it well?  If the answer to all three questions isn’t yes then politely decline and move on. It wasn’t always this way.

A year or so after Patti left her full-time career, she attended an industry luncheon that had become something of a tradition in the last 10 years of her professional career. As she was eating her salad and listening to the old gang talk about industry gossip and trends, she looked outside and saw it was a beautiful day. “If I leave now,” she thought,” I can get home, change my clothes, and enjoy a nice long walk before dark. This could not be less interesting or relevant to my life today.” As she was walking and enjoying the outdoors, she reminded herself she had to get over the fear of missing something and, instead, be driven to do something because it was additive to her life. She realized she was not missing out on anything by leaving the old industry events to the next generation. In fact, holding onto the past meant she was actually missing out on something that brought her happiness now.

While FOMO can interfere with your enjoyment of your post-career life because you take on too many activities and fill your time with things that don’t bring you happiness, fear of the unknown can stop you from engaging in new, interesting activities. To overcome fear of the unknown, you sometimes just have to take a deep breath and dive in.

For example, we have a friend who decided to take an improv class at a local college. She was much older than most of the other students, and she felt awkward and out of place, but she pushed through her fear of embarrassment and it didn’t take long to find her stride. The benefit of not allowing fear to stop her was that each class boosted her self-confidence and confirmed that she was still the same capable, interesting person she had been during her career.

We have other friends who have gone back to school to get their medical or law degree, started foundations, trained to run a marathon, took off sailing around the world, or learned to play the piano. The possibilities are endless when you refuse to let fear choose your life for you.

 

Patti and Milledge Hart, who wrote this article, are co-authors of “The Resolutionist: Welcome to the Anti-Retirement Movement” (www.antiretirement.com). They worked for more than 30 years in technology and investment banking businesses.

srmedia by — June 22, 2021 in Lifestyles

At first, Dr. Robert Zorowitz thought his 83-year-old mother was confused. She couldn’t remember passwords to accounts on her computer. She would call and say programs had stopped working.

But over time, Zorowitz realized his mother — a highly intelligent woman who was comfortable with technology ― was showing early signs of dementia.

Increasingly, families will encounter similar concerns as older adults become reliant on computers, cellphones and tablets: With cognitive impairment, these devices become difficult to use and, in some cases, problematic.

Computer skills may deteriorate even before older adults “misplace keys, forget names or display other more classic signs of early dementia,” Zorowitz wrote recently on a group e-mail list for geriatricians. (He’s based in New York City and senior medical director for Optum Inc., a health services company.) “Deciding whether to block their access to their bank accounts, stocks and other online resources may present the same ethical dilemmas as taking away their car keys.”

The emergence of this issue tracks the growing popularity of devices that let older adults communicate with friends and family via email, join interest groups on Facebook, visit virtually via Skype or FaceTime, and bank, shop, take courses or read publications online.

According to the Pew Research Center, 73 percent of adults 65 and older used the Internet in 2019, up from 43 percent  in 2010. And 42 percent of older adults owned smartphones in 2017, the latest year for which data is available, up from 18 percent in 2013.

Some physicians are adapting to this new digital reality. At Johns Hopkins Medicine, Dr. Halima Amjad, an assistant professor of medicine, now asks older patients if they use a computer or smartphone and are having trouble such as forgetting passwords or getting locked out of accounts.

“If there’s a notable change in how someone is using technology,” she said, “we would proceed with a more in-depth cognitive evaluation.”

At Rush University’s Alzheimer’s Disease Center in Chicago, neurologist Dr. Neelum Aggarwal finds that older adults are bringing up problems with technology as a “non-threatening way to talk about trouble with thinking. Instead of saying, ‘I have issues with my memory,’ people will say, ‘I just can’t figure out my smartphone’ or ‘I was trying to start that computer program and it took forever to get that done.’”

If the person previously used digital devices without difficulty, Aggarwal will try to identify the underlying problem. Does the older adult have problems with vision or coordination? Is she having trouble understanding language? Is memory becoming compromised? Is it hard for her to follow the steps needed to complete a transaction?

If using technology has become frustrating, Aggarwal recommends deleting apps on cellphones and programs on computers.

“The anxiety associated with ‘Oh, my God, I have to use this and I don’t know how’ totally sets people back and undoes any gains that technology might offer,” she said. “It’s similar to what I do with medications. I’ll help someone get rid of what’s not needed and keep only what’s really essential.”

Typically, she said, she recommends no more than five to 10 cellphone apps for patients in these circumstances.

When safety becomes an issue — say, for an older adult with dementia who’s being approached by scammers on e-mail ― family members should first try counseling the person against giving out their Social Security or credit card information, said Cynthia Clyburn, a social worker in the neurology division at Penn Medicine in Philadelphia.

If that doesn’t work, try to spend time together at the computer so you can monitor what’s going on. “Make it a group activity,” Clyburn said. If possible, create shared passwords so you have shared access.

 

But beware of appropriating someone’s passwords and using them to check email or online bank or brokerage accounts. “Without consent, it’s a federal crime to use an individual’s password to access their accounts,” said Catherine Seal, an elder-law attorney at Kirtland and Seal in Colorado Springs, Colo. Ideally, consent should be granted in writing.

With his mother’s permission, one of Zorowitz’s brothers ― a physician in Baltimore — installed GoToMyPC, an application that allowed him to remotely manage her computer. He used it to reset passwords and manage items on her desktop and sometimes to order groceries online from Peapod.

Eventually, Selma Zorowitz lost interest in her computer as she slipped further into dementia and spent the end of her life in a nursing home. She died in 2014 at age 87.

Older adults with Alzheimer’s disease commonly turn away from digital devices as they forget how to use them, said Dr. Lon Schneider, a professor of psychiatry and neurology at the University of Southern California.

More difficult, often, are situations faced by people with frontotemporal dementia (FTD), which affects a person’s judgment, self-awareness and ability to assess risk.

Sally Balch Hurme’s 75-year-old husband, Arthur, has FTD, diagnosed in 2015. Every day, this elder-law attorney and author struggles to keep him safe in a digital world full of threats. Hundreds of e-mails pour onto Arthur’s cellphone from telemarketers with hard-to-resist offers. His Facebook account is peopled with “friends” from foreign countries, all strangers. “He has no idea who they are. Some of them are wearing bandoliers of ammunition, holding their guns,” Hurme said. “It is horrific.”

Then there’s Amazon, a never-ending source of shopping temptation. Recently, Arthur ordered four pocket translators, several watches and a large quantity of maple sugar candies for $1,000. Though returns are possible, Hurme doesn’t always know where Arthur has stored items he’s bought.

What steps has she taken to manage the situation? With Arthur’s permission, she unsubscribes him from accounts that send him e-mails and removes friends from his Facebook account. On his cellphone, she has installed a “parental control” app that blocks him from using it between midnight and 6 a.m. ― hours when he was most likely to engage in online activities. There’s also a “parental control” setting on the TV to prevent access to “adult” channels.

Instead of an open-ended credit card, Hurme gives Arthur a card with a limited amount of money. She manages household finances, and he doesn’t have access to the couple’s online banking account. Credit bureaus have been told not to open any account in Arthur’s name.

If Hurme had her way, she said, she’d get rid of Arthur’s cellphone — his primary form of communication. (He has stopped using the computer.) But “I’m very sensitive to respecting his dignity and letting him be as independent and autonomous as possible,” she said. For all the dangers it presents, “his phone is his connection with the outside world, and I can’t take that away from him.”

 

Judith Graham wrote this story for Kaiser Health News, a non-profit service of Kaiser Family Foundation.

srmedia by — June 10, 2021 in Lifestyles

Curb cuts–those sidewalk ramps at most intersections–were designed to help people in wheelchairs navigate urban walkways. Sidewalk designers quickly realized their value for parents pushing strollers, bicycle riders, and pedestrian.  Now known as “Lifespan Design” or “Design for All Ages,” these principles enable any living environment to be safer and more livable for everyone from infants to seniors, and have grown to include faucets, handles, hallways, lighting, stairs, sinks, doorways, and appliances since the Americans with Disabilities Act was passed in 1990.

To explore how such design principles can be part of any home, Pierce County Aging and Disability Resources will host a free, online presentation, titled “Universal Design: Making an ‘Age-Friendly’ Home,” on June 10 at 6:30 p.m.  Advance registration is required at https://bit.ly/3s6ystS or 253-798-4600. Besides online, participation is available by phone at 253-215-8782 or 888-788-0099, Webinar ID: 945 8462 6961.

Most seniors “want to live in their own homes indefinitely,” said Aaron Van Valkenburg, manager of Aging and Disability Resources, a county government program. “The surprise is the benefit that younger people realize when the principles of accessibility are introduced.  Not only do older adults find an advantage to these conveniences, but all members of the family find a greater sense of well-being and comfort.”

In 1960, the first specifications for barrier-free design were published. That now involves manufacturers, builders, and service providers in producing new technologies for everyone.  The push has been to ensure that environments, products, services, and interfaces work for people of all ages and abilities in different situations and under various circumstances, Van Valkenburg said.

He added that  the principles underlying Universal Design can help homeowners make the most out of their investments, whether it’s replacing light switches or major remodels.

“Universal Design: Making an “Age Friendly” Home” will be presented by Michael Weinstein, co-owner of the Reverie at Silver Creek, a senior-living community in the Puyallup area. He also is president of Synthesis Interests and the Universal Design Collective, and he is a member of the City of Seattle Universal Design and Digital Equity Committees.

srmedia by — May 26, 2021 in Lifestyles
Don’t worry, be happy in these 100 cities (Seattle and Tacoma included)

Leisure time, such as visits to the Foss Waterway Seaport Museum (which is scheduled to reopen June 3 after a long pandemic-induced closure), is one of the factors that ranks Tacoma as the 92nd happiest city in the U.S.

Three Washington cities are in the top-100 happiest cities in the United States, an unofficial ranking that’s led by Fremont, Calif.

To determine where Americans are most content, WalletHub (a consumer and financial services website based in Washington, D.C.) compared 180 of the largest of the approximately 16,000 cities and towns nationwide. WalletHub said 31 “key indicators of happiness” ranged from depression rates to income-growth and the average amount of leisure time per day.

Here in Washington, Seattle ranks highest at 20th. Vancouver is 56th, Tacoma is 92nd, and Spokane is 106th.

Fremont is the happiest of the happy, partly because it has the lowest separation and divorce rates among married couples. Joining Fremont in the top-10 are, in order, two in North Dakota (Bismarck and Fargo), Madison, Wis., San Jose, Calif., South Burlington, Vt., Lincoln, Neb., Columbia, Md., Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and Santa Rosa, Calif.

For years, researchers have found that ingredients  of happiness include a positive mental state, physical health, strong social connections, job satisfaction, and financial well-being.

srmedia by — May 10, 2021 in Lifestyles